With the constant state of turmoil, recessions, climate disasters and terrible human beings in the world, it is quite easy to fall into a very bad mental state.
People are more depressed in today’s society than ever before. And you may be one of those people spiraling into depression or feeling unsettled with where you are mentally.
The first thing you need to know is that you’re not alone, if you feel like you could be in a better place mentally, please reach out to the many services available worldwide, and within your country to seek help and improve your life.
I’ve been in such situations multiple times in my life. I’ve suffered from crippling impostor syndrome and periods of severe anxiety. It’s quite scary to know that I could fall back into those places again. And whenever I think I’m at risk, I ponder a few specific thoughts repeatedly.
They help orient me again and help me realise that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the one who’s wrong. I can improve as long as I want to. I believe it could help others too, so here are those thoughts, for your better mental health:
Success is a result of randomness
I’ve often felt disheartened when I’m unsuccessful in my endeavors. It sucks to be the one who puts in a lot of work, really believes he deserves the results and then fail to see them.
I’ve been there and it really sucks the life out of future hard work too. When you see that your work was not met with success, you feel discouraged from contributing the same amount of work into the next activity or project. And that’s bad, because not only did one project fail, but you’re setting yourself up for future failures too.
However, I’ve now understood and begun to accept the simple fact that most successes are a result of sheer randomness. Our hard word, circumstances, connections and qualifications all do matter. But at the end of the day, even the simplest of things can change the course of the result.
It might be that I studied really hard for a test, did multiple practices and re-read all the study materials. But what if on the day of the exam I’m sick, or the test is from a different chapter, or if I simply wasn’t prepared at all for the pattern of questions that come?
There’s not predicting these things, there’s only adjusting to them. And you can either waste your time waddling over the sadness of not succeeding at something, or accept that it was just random misfortune and move on.
I choose to move on.
Contemplate the consequences of inaction
Say you’ve wanted to have your light bulb changed for a long time now, or something bigger like a job. It’s overwhelming to make such decisions. Especially when they’re so small, because you’re taken over by laziness, or when they’re big, because you’re taken over by fear and worry.
And I can relate to this completely. I’ve often put away studying for an exam or preparing notes for a long long time. Then completely fucking regretted it, blaming my past self on the eve of the exam when I have no choice but to put in the work. The terrible timing is further worsened by the realisation that I realistically cannot complete the work on the same level as I could have, had I started earlier.
So now I’ve started to force myself into submission and put in the work by thinking this one thought, what are the consequences of my inaction?
What will I lose and how will my life be in the future if I choose to forgo completing the task I’m supposed to complete?
If it doesn’t matter, then I can easily scratch that task or decision off my to do list and move on to the next one. But if the answer is one where I see my life falling into misery, regret or a rut, then I know for a fact that I need to follow through and complete it.
Everyone is struggling, and they achieve shit in their own time
This seems obvious on the surface right? Like it’s obvious that everyone’s got their own struggles. But the truth is, we know, but don’t understand and accept this fact.
We know everyone’s got their own cross to bear, but we never really understand it. It’s always about us, and we believe that we’re behind everyone else, that others have their lives figured out.
Everyone is really fully stacked with their own problems. Everyone is worried about themselves and a society that judges them. People don’t realize that they make up the society, and that if they’re so worried about themselves, everyone else is worried about themselves too, that means no one really cares about each other.
This fact was really proven to me when i wore the same clothing for over 6 months. Not a soul noticed, outside of my mother. Nobody cared about what I wore, but i did. I really thought my clothes were a thought that entered others’ minds. But it wasn’t at all, they couldn’t care less.
Now constantly remind myself that everyone’s got their own list of things to worry about, and we all start out at different places in life, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others like comparing apples to apples, but we often forget that we’re all our own fruit, there’s no comparing two things that are entirely unique.
Pick Yourself
We’re taught to be selfless. If you’re a christian you know that you’ve been told for years, from childhood, that you need to love and care for others and sacrifice for others.
Well, that’s all good, but the truth it, you really don’t have to. You don’t have to care for every individual out there individually. You only have an obligation to care about yourself and the society as a whole.
If you’re in an environment that doesn’t respect you, leave. It’s not easy, I know, but it is possible. Is helping someone else in your class do their homework a good act, yes, but do you have to do it by wasting your free time? fuck no, pick yourself! How about another example then? Say you’re throwing trash, in that case you are doing something that involves an effect on society in general, so be mindful and throw them in a recycle bin for example.
In everyday occurrences and decisions, we need to understand and accept the fact that nobody is entitles to us. Only we are. Thus, we don’t have to do anything that’s a detriment to us. Pick yourself and do what it takes to prosper yourself, there’s no need to feel bad about that.
Potential doesn’t have to be utilized, just because it exists
How many of you have been the ‘gifted child’ of your class or family. It’s a dumb idea all around, but highly common. Parents and teachers parading around someone as the gifted child who can do better and is capable of the world.
Sure, they may mean well, but it doesn’t end up doing well for anyone. The parents and teachers will always be disappointed in the results because the child is always capable of more, and the child will feel like a loser for wasting their so called potential.
I’ve been that gifted child, and it might sound like a privilege, but it really isn’t. There is no such thing as a gifted child. Only one that excels in a certain settings. I was quite good at studies earlier on at school, then I discovered things I liked outside of school like computers, productivity, graphic design etc and that resulted in my academic performance suffering.
I’ve heard the line you’re wasting your potential a million times-okay not really a million-and it’s always put me down. I’ve felt like a loser who’s wasting the talents he’s been given.
All of that was until recently, when I realised that simply because potential exists, it doesn’t have to be utilized. If I have some gift, then why should it be up to others to decide whether I’ve used enough of it or achieved a lot with it? It’s mine and it’s perfectly okay for me to push myself to whatever extent I choose. My life is about my happiness and that’s it.
Hopefully you too realise that there is never an end to the feeling of wasted potential. You will always be capable of more. Always be capable of better. It doesn’t mean you have to do more or do better. That’s entirely up to you to decide. Are you happy where you are? If you are happy, then fuck everyone else. You do you!
Internet trolls don’t touch grass
I’m proud of that section title. Hehe. cough Anyway…
It’s easy for us as Internet users to fall prey to the mentality that the world is a shit place. Everyday we find the worst of the worst people on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram and Reddit etc.
So many people spread hate and amass millions of believers and followers of that hate, but the truth is, these people do not represent the real world.
Even if a bad individual has a million followers, that’s only 0.0142857% of the world of people. Out of 7 billion humans, that million only makes up 0.0142857%.
The world is a better place than we think, the internet is not indicative of the good world. Millions of people who truly wish to spread goodness do that out in the real world and not on YouTube, trying to get views.
Understand that the shitbags of the world are all on the internet, making it worse, because they want to find people who are like them, the internet is exceptionally good at connecting shitbags together, it doesn’t mean the world is full of them.
The impostor is sus
Impostor Syndrome is the constant nagging feeling at the back of the mind that the successes and achievements made by one is not their own and that they are not worthy of it. You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about, if you’ve ever suffered it.
I’ve suffered it constantly for the past couple of years. It has made me nervous to do things that I’m perfectly capable of doing and achieving. It has made my successes less enjoyable.
Some think impostor syndrome prevents a person from sinking into vaingloriousness, while that’s achieved to some extent; it goes too far and prevents one from being able to feel any pride for their achievements at all.
My mom says I just need to ignore it cause it’s all in my head. WELL OF COURSE MOM, IT”S OBVIOUSLY ALL IN MY HEAD. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS POST.
So what’s the solution? I am happy to announce that through extensive digging on the most scientific forum on the planet, Reddit, I’ve come up with an answer. Okay for real though, this does work.
The solution according to one Reddit image is to convince oneself that they are a Horrid Goblin that’s selfish and out for only the best for itself. And that everything they do for their own success or ambitions are perfectly fine because they only need the results and don’t care about the road to it.
Yeah, it sounds evil. But that’s the point. Your brain is messing with you by questioning your legitimate successes, so you mess with it right back by pretending like you’re a horrid goblin.
Who cares if my work is shit? I certainly don’t. I have the past achievements and qualifications to show for my work. I don’t care how I got them. I just have them and I’m so good at cheating my way through life that I don’t have to break rules or do anything illegal to get where or what I want to get.
Surprisingly this does work in a lot of ways. It certainly won’t completely cure impostor syndrome. But it’s a really great way to live with that suffering.
We are not our thoughts
It’s easy to judge a person based on the thoughts they have, but people are not their thoughts.
A thought is something that appears in our minds and passes just as is, unless it’s captured or acted upon.
Hence, even if someone has the worst or weirdest thoughts possible, it’s not right to attribute them as an individual to those thoughts. Because nobody has any control over what they think.
Our minds cannot help but create connections out of all that we hear and see and take in from our surroundings every single day. Thus, as long as the world is not under our control, so are not our thoughts.
The only thing a person can do is chose between capturing and acting upon a thought or not. That choice is what truly defines them.
So, the takeaway here is, if you feel like you need to beat yourself up for your thoughts, just don’t. Because it’s not you. You aren’t to blame. You should be congratulating yourself for being the good person you are despite those thoughts.
Conclusion
I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time now. But I’ve always held myself back because of many of the problems outlined above. I felt like I wasn’t qualified enough to write any of this. I felt like nobody would care about my two cents.
But then I told my brain to shut up. So what if I’m not qualified? I’m not telling anyone to perform brain surgery on their own. I’m only here to share what’s worked for me with everyone, so it may work for some of them too.
I really hope this post helped at least a few of you readers out there. Our mental health defines our entire existence. You can be perfectly healthy and suffer from depression or be the most successful and fail due to impostor syndrome. So don’t take your sufferings lightly. You deserve better.
And never think you’re selfish for caring about yourself. Because you’re more useful to the world a healthy individual than not.
Please let me know of your thoughts on this post, and tell me about any other such thoughts that help you in life. I’d love to hear about all this and have a nice chat too. [email protected]
